The Third Death
by Astarael the Weeper Sorrowful
Summary: The rating is for suicide. This is a story based on Portia in Julius Caesar because she didn't make sense to me, so I wanted to make her sound plausible. And it had the added benefit of being an English project.


Author's Note: This is for a school project, but I kind of like it at the moment, so I'm actually going to upload something for once. It is also a rewriting of Julius Caesar from Portia's point of view. The title comes from the fact that she is the third person who dies in Julius Caesar, after Caesar himself and Cinna the poet. There are a few lines that have been taken from the actual play, but most of it is in my words. (italics indicate Portia's thoughts)

"I'm fine, Portia. Perhaps a bit tired, but I'm fine. Go to bed; you need the sleep," Brutus said as he waved me away.

_Fine, ha. And I'm the Queen of Sheba. But whatever… If he's not going to tell me, now does not seem like a good time to try and force him_. "All right then," I said doubtfully. "Are you planning to come to bed ever, or are you going to pace that courtyard all night?"

"I'll be there soon."

_Sure…_ I thought as I walked to our bedroom. I was so preoccupied that I didn't notice our servant Lucius until I ran into him. _He's a beautiful boy—very pale, though. White-blond hair, fair skin, and silver-blue eyes tend to give a person a very pale look._

"Sorry, Lucius," I said absentmindedly. 

As I sank into my wonderfully soft bed, I felt a bit guilty leaving Brutus outside. _I'll make sure to find out what's bothering him tomorrow… Well, I trust him. He wouldn't let that man who had murdered someone go free, even with all the bribes, threats, and pleas… Anyone else probably would have given in eventually, but not my Brutus… _

As it turned out, I hardly saw Brutus all the next day, mostly because he was avoiding me. I thought about putting off talking to him again until I saw a group of men knocking at the gate, Cassius prominent among them. 

This can't be good. Cassius is a good friend to Brutus, besides being his brother-in-law, but he's not very… moral. Not that I don't like Cassius, I just don't trust him as much as Brutus does. 

As they entered, I moved closer to the room they were meeting in, hoping to hear something that might help me figure out what's bothering Brutus. I knew it had to be something to do with Cassius, because Cassius is generally involved in things of the sort that would bother Brutus, but what was it?

"East is this way, isn't it?" 

"No—"

"Yes it is. Look—it's kind of gray over there."

"—it's not, east is over towards the capitol."

The idiots were arguing about which way east is too loudly for me to hear what Brutus and Cassius were saying, so I had to wait until they were finished talking to confront Brutus.

After an eternity, I heard them leave. Brutus was sitting in his chair, looking upset. "Brutus, my lord," I said to get his attention.

"Portia, why are you up?" he said, surprise evident in his voice. "It's not good for your health."

"Not for yours either," I retorted. "You've not been acting normally, and I want to know what's going on. You never did come to bed last night, you left the supper early to go pace the courtyard, and waved me away when I asked you what was wrong. I didn't want to upset you more, so I left, but I'm starting to feel like I don't even know you anymore. What is the matter?"

"I'm not feeling well, that's all."

_Yeah, sure. Well, mentally, perhaps. But I just  told you that you weren't well mentally, so what I want to know is _why_. Let's try something else… _"Brutus is wise, and, were he not in health, he would embrace the means to come by it."

"And I do." _No you don't. Ha, I have you now, Brutus._ "Good Portia, go to bed." 

'Go to bed'?  We'll see about that… "Is Brutus sick, and is it healthy to walk around in the damp morning air? Is Brutus sick, and will he steal out of bed to tempt the vile contagion of the night to add to his sickness? No, my Brutus is not that stupid." I hope. "There is something that is weighing heavily on your mind that I should know as your wife." Would kneeling be too much? Eh, oh well, I'll do it anyway. "Upon my knees, I beg you to tell me why you are unhappy. And who you were talking to tonight," I added. 

"Don't kneel, Portia."

'Don't kneel, Portia'? Is that all you can say? Perhaps I shouldn't have, then maybe I could have forced you to say something else… "I wouldn't have to if you were a gentleman, Brutus. Tell me, do you think that I should know no secrets that pertain to you, my husband? Am I your other half, or am I just here to keep you company at meals, in bed, and to talk to you sometimes? Dwell I but in the suburbs of your good pleasure? If it is no more, Portia is Brutus' harlot, not his wife." 

"You are my wife, as dear to me as the blood that visits my sad heart."

_Ah, so you admit that you're sad._ "If that were true, I would know your secret. I'm not going to tell anyone. Don't you trust me? Here, I'll give you proof: I'll give myself a voluntary wound in the thigh." _He'd better tell me after this; I'm running out of ideas._ "I can bear this quite easily, don't you think I could bear my husband's secrets just as well?" 

"O gods, make me worthy of my noble wife!" _That doesn't tell me anything, you idiot._ "Do you hear that?" _Yes, someone's knocking and I wish you didn't hear it, because now you're not going to tell me until later. _"Portia, go in for a while; I'll explain later. 

_Oh yeah, sure… I stab myself so you'll tell me about what's bothering me, but then someone knocks so you say you'll 'explain later'? You'll pay for this, Brutus._ "Fine." I tried very hard not to glare at him as I walked out; it might be considered a tad childish. _He'd better be sorry late, though… Or he may wish he'd never been born. Well, maybe not, but I'll be mad at him at any rate._

For the second day in a row I was going to bed far later than I normally do, and consequently I barely made it to my bed before I collapsed in exhaustion. 

When I woke up, Brutus was getting dressed—relatively quietly for him, but loud enough to wake me up. He jumped a bit when I sat up. Perhaps he had realized that I was a bit annoyed at him. _I wonder where he could have gotten that idea?_ I thought sarcastically. As I opened my mouth to speak, he cut my off, saying:

"I'm sorry that I have not yet told you what was bothering me." _You better be sorry, or I'll kick your sorry behind all the way to Gaul. Well, I suppose I won't, and I don't really mean that anyway, but know that I am not happy with you, Brutus._ "Well, I don't really know a good way to explain this… but… uh…" _Go on…_ "I'm going to kill Julius Caesar today. With Cassius, Casca, Cinna, Metellus Cimber, Caius Ligarius, Trebonius, and Decius Brutus. Because even though Caesar is my friend, he's gotten too powerful and ambitious. We cannot have another dictator; Rome must be free."

"You're going to do what?" I was still in shock. _I had been afraid that he might oppose Caesar, which would endanger his political position, not the end of the world—not particularly pleasant either, but not the end of the world. But now this… this was insane…_ "And you tell me this now? This is _extremely_ dangerous, not to mention insane, and you tell me the morning you're going to go do it?" I said, my voice getting higher with each word. _Wait, wait; don't get hysterical… yet, at least. Remain calm, Portia, remain calm.    _

"Well, I meant to tell you earlier…"

"You didn't either! You wouldn't have told me now if I hadn't bugged you about it," I yelled, trying not to cry. Every time I'm upset, I start crying, and it's a highly bothersome habit that I need to break. "I'm sorry, Brutus. I didn't mean to get so upset, but I wish you would have told me before now." _Look at how calm that was! I'm getting better at this._

"I'm sorry Portia. It was a stupid thing for me to do, but I'm afraid I can't change it now, and it's time for me to leave." _He's admitting he's wrong? That doesn't happen too often._

"Be careful, Brutus…I love you." _This is really dangerous… I cannot live without him. I may get annoyed at him occasionally because he is human like the rest of us, but I cannot live if he is dead. I love him too much. Perhaps I shouldn't. Perhaps it is weak. But I cannot help how I feel, so I may as well try not to worry about it.    _

Apparently not being worried is one of those things that are easier said than done. I lasted until about nine o'clock before I had to know what was going on. _Who could I send that would be smart enough to bring me the information that I need without my needing to tell him too much?_

"Lucius?" 

"Yes madam?" 

 "Could you please go to the capitol, and… see what's going on there?"

"Go to the capitol?" he asked, looking rather confused. 

"Yes, Lucius, and please hurry." _I hope I have not messed anything up for Brutus by sending Lucius out to the capitol… I don't think it would. Would it?_

After the second eternity I have lived through in as many days, Lucius returned, and I ran out to meet him.

"Any news, Lucius?"

"I found my lord Brutus in the capitol, and he told me to tell you not to worry, and that everything was working out well." 

"Thank you Lucius," I said, extremely relieved. I had had such awful feelings about it. Perhaps I was just overreacting.

Lucius nodded and left; I decided to go and organize my closet to pass the time until Brutus returned. It was getting really messy… As I was finishing, I heard Brutus come through the door in a great hurry. I ran out to see why he was so rushed. _Lucius had said that everything was fine not two hours ago. Nothing can have happened since then, can it?_

He looked up as I approached and said worriedly, "Portia…I'm afraid I have to leave now. I let Mark Antony made a funeral speech for Caesar. I shouldn't have let him… He upset the crowds, and they don't understand why we had to kill Caesar. They are trying to find me to kill me. The others as well." _No!  I was afraid this would happen… _"I hope…you will be all right. I'm sure it will blow over eventually." He seemed to say this as much to convince himself as to convince me_._ "I love you, Portia." He kissed me and was gone. _He won't be back… Mark Antony will make sure of it. He will not let you get away after what you did. It probably needed to be done, but Antony does not see it that way. _

_You should have killed Antony when you had a chance, Brutus. I should have done something. I should have stopped you. Cassius should have killed Antony. Something else should have happened. My Brutus cannot die… He can't. I need him…_I tried not to start crying, but I could not help it this time. _He will die; I can feel it. And I love him. Without him, I cannot live. I cannot bear to hear of his death either. I must die first. Yes, this is the best way… Where is my dagger? I can't have lost it already. Ah, here it is. Goodbye, Brutus. I'm sure we will meet again soon, and I hope you do not learn of my death before your own. I do not wish to cause you pain… _

_I love you, Brutus…_


End file.
